Communication is Key....

I was reading through the blogroll on my phone when I came across DauntlessVitality's blog on Communication. (Click here to read it for yourself). In posting my response I realized I had written quite a lot and decided it might be better to write my response as a blog post instead of a comment. And I should note that usually I would post this on my BDSM blog, but it seems to be pretty universal no matter what your kinks are. So I chose to post it here instead.

Maybe it's the holidays, they tend to bring out both the best and the worst in people. I say this because there are a lot of similar posts (both in the vanilla and BDSM blog world) and I know I have been dealing with similar issues.

Master and I have a 20 minute rule. After we've gotten upset about something (well after HE has gotten upset about something) I am not to bug or bother him for at least 20 minutes. That's long enough for him to calm down, think everything through and then respond - be that with punishment or not. It also gives me 20 minutes to sit here and worry that I may have gone to far, or how I could have better worded what I said, or (in rare cases) calm down because while I know I am right, it's not my place to flaunt that...

Either way, communication has a nasty habit of breaking down at times. Much like your car, you tend to take it for granted, going from place to place, upset that it's not as new and shiny as so and so's or glad it's not the POS that some other person is driving, but never giving it much more of a thought other than oil changes and tire rotations.... until it starts to make weird noises or breaks down or gets a flat.

Then you panic. ESPECIALLY if it's something that could have been avoided by keeping a closer eye on your car and getting it tuned up more frequently)

Communication is pretty much the same. Everything seems to be going just swimmingly, sure you have your little spats, who doesn't. (And for those of us who are kinky we may have spats on purpose every now and then....) But for the most part communication with your loved one goes highly unchecked. (Usually). I like to pride myself on the fact that Master and I are in a BDSM relationship because I swear we have better communication now than we ever have. But it would be naive of me to assume that our relationship is the best or that our way of communicating is the only way. It's great.... for us. It works....for us. But that doesn't mean it's perfect for everyone else too. (In fact I highly suspect that if it was perfect for everyone else, I wouldn't like it much at all lol)

So how do you keep the lines of communication from breaking down? I don't think that's possible. Not entirely anyway. I think the best you can do is keep checking on it, make sure you keep an eye on it every 3-6 months and change it up a bit. But the key to remember is to have backup plans set for when it does break down. How will you and your lover handle it when things break down. Will you fly off the handle and say things you can't take back? Will you bite your tongue and give yourselves time to cool down before you try to fix it?

Before the holidays get too hectic (or maybe they already are?) I think it would be a great idea to sit down and figure out how you and yours plan to handle a communication break down. Especially if you're visiting friends and family. Come up with key words, signals or backup plans for handling a breakdown of communication or to catch one before it happens. But this is just one of many ways to handle things before they get out of control, what kinds of things do you do to keep the lines of communication open?

Lots of Love,

Six Word Saturday - Dec. 3, 2011

The Cat's Out of the Bag

So to speak anyway.
I let my secret out. Find out all the juicy details here.

Six Word Saturday hosted by Cate
Click her lovely button for more details!

Lots of Love,

What's For Dinner?

Easy weeknight meals can quickly become boring and too routine. Most people don't think about dinner until around 4PM (when dinner is being made, or about to be made).  So how do you keep weeknights hectic free and bring some goodies to the table that don't get repeated too often?

The easiest way is to write out a bunch of things you and your family enjoy eating. For example:

Meatloaf
Spaghetti
Chicken Parmesan
Chicken Marsala
Roast Beef
Whole Turkey (or chicken)
Lasagna
Pizza
Leftovers

That's all you need to start a list. Get the family together and have them give you tips as well. My girls LOVE tacos and my husband loves french onion soup, but these are things that the whole family doesn't necessarily enjoy.

When making out menus I know that every four days I need to plan a night for leftovers (or at least come up with a plan on how to use the leftovers I have). But I do try to make the very next night's meal use up all the leftovers from the night before. So if I am planning on making a pot roast on Tuesday, I know that Wednesday should have something like fajitas, beef stew or beef potpies to help use up the leftover meat. We aren't big on waste around here, we just don't have the funds to "not like leftovers" and while I can't stand eating the same thing three days in a row, I do enjoy making new dishes that no one realizes are in fact LEFTOVERS disguised! And the number one rule here is "I am not a restaurant!" If you don't like something I've made, that's fine, but don't expect me to make a completely different dish for you. My husband will make spaghetti for himself if he doesn't like whatever dinner is, and my kids are welcome to make sandwiches (PB&J or Bologna - nothing special). It helps keep down the pickiness and saves me a whole lot of extra effort.

Keep track of your leftover creations so that next week when you're making a new menu you can incorporate some of your new creations into it. Once a week we have an easy dinner night (ordering pizza, tossing a frozen lasagna into the oven, everyone for themselves) whatever it takes to give me a night off in the kitchen. We also have a strict "The Chef doesn't clean up!" rule. My cousin Goran (who lives with us) cleans the kitchen after every dinner, unless he cooks. He puts away the food for me and the girls help him load the dishwasher. Everyone is responsible for their own plate, but it's nice to know that I don't have to clean up after making dinner. This might be something you want to do in your house too, especially if you have older children.

Yesterday I made a pot roast with a portabella mushroom gravy (sauteed portabella mushrooms topped with one or two cans of cream of mushroom soup and one or two cans of water) and tonight I'm making beef stew. I froze the leftover gravy and plan to use it later this week on top of baked chicken breasts (and I'll call it Chicken Marsala even though it doesn't have any marsala wine in it).

Another great idea is to remember that baked potatoes easily become mashed potatoes, mashed potatoes thicken soups and stews very well. Cheesy mashed potatoes are even simpler to make. Take leftover regular mashed potatoes, add an egg, half a cup of ranch and mix well, bake at 350 for 20-30 minutes, top with cheddar cheese bake another 5 minutes (or until cheese is melted).

Leftover rice freezes really well and is an excellent additive to soups or can be used to help calm down foods your kids claim are too spicy. Reheating rice is pretty simple but it does dry out fairly easily so you might want to add 1/4 cup of water for every 2 cups of rice you're reheating. You can always drain off the excess liquid.

If you work a full schedule, coming up with a list of meals can seem pretty daunting, but trust me it actually saves you time in the long run. Your saving grace will be knowing exactly what's for dinner each night. I keep my calendar near my computer so that as I surf the web or read other people's facebook stats about what they're making for dinner I can jot down ideas and recipes I want to try the next week.

Don't feel compelled to stick to the exact menu plan, it's a PLAN it will change as needed, but having it helps you figure out exactly what groceries you need and keep the "Mommy, what's for dinner" questions at bay.

I write mine in pencil because it does change pretty often. Anyway, I hope this helps keep your hectic week nights a little less hectic!


Lots of Love,

Opinionated!

A short rant about who I am and why I am like this:

Anybody who has spent any amount of time with me, or reads my blog, knows that I have very strong opinions and I am not afraid to voice them. I love this about me. Some say I don't know when to shut up, that might be true (okay so it's totally true) but at the same time, I feel this deep need to speak up. After all if we never talked about the "forbidden" topics with others, how would we evolve our opinions?

Think about it, if you never talk about the things that are important to you, how can you gripe about the way things are going? Around this time next year (and well before it) you will hear lot's of "No vote, no voice" type things. Next year is voting year, and the big one at that. Everyone will have an opinion, even if it's "Well I don't know how I feel about so and so". Most of us will quickly tire of these conversations and some will even speak up with "Please can we talk about ANYTHING else!?"

But that just proves my point, doesn't it? How am I supposed to know that you don't want to discuss politics unless you speak up?! For that matter, how am I to avoid putting my foot in my mouth if I know nothing about your beliefs, traditions, feelings, etc.

Now there are going to be moments (lots of moments) where I kick myself in the ass later for something I've said, or for accidentally offending someone, or even purposefully taking a topic too far, but then, that's just who I am. I am loud, I am opinionated, I seek to change your opinion or at least further my knowledge about your opinion. If you don't like it, then fine, speak up! Let me know what you think! Debating is one of my FAVORITE things to do, I miss the days of MySpace chat when debating was just about all I did. There is no current outlet for this right now, so I speak up in the WORST places (Facebook, random strangers, Starbucks, etc). But my goal is not to piss you off, my goal is to get you thinking! Do I agree with everything you have to say? No. I don't. But then, if we all agreed on everything all the time, it would be so boring that we might as well give up our rights, freedoms and choices.

This world is so full of differences, it's part of what makes it a wonderful world. You only have ONE life to live,  live it LOUDLY. Apologize if you step on toes, but NEVER apologize for WHO YOU ARE.

That is all,

Lots of Love,

Two Short Months...

In two short months, the turkey will be eaten, the stuffing gone, the pies will have disappeared.
In two short months, the fall decorations will be put away, the last of the leaves fallen from the trees and the first snows will have already fallen and melted.
In two short months, the hectic lines at the shops, the early morning race to get the best deals, the exhaustion from shopping till you dropped, will all be a distant memory.
In two short months the sales will begin again, reminding us of just how quickly this year has flown by.
In two short months, we will look on to the next celebration, the coming of a new year, the passing of the old.

In eight weeks, the tree will be trimmed, the halls decked out, the carols all sung.
In eight weeks, the distant sound of church bells will fade, the plays will have been applauded, the parties all attended.
In eight weeks, no one will care if the house gets a little messy, if the cookies are all eaten or broken, or if the hostess looks a little more tired than usual.
In eight weeks, people will be thanking those who gave a little of their cheer, a little of their pantry, a little of their time to those less fortunate than them.
In eight weeks schedules will return to some form of normal, budgets will be reviewed, bills will resume with the normal post.

In 67 days we will be counting calories again, doing extra sit-ups, and regretting that third piece of pie we had.
In 67 days wrapping paper will litter the floor, fill the trash cans, and remind us of how much we've spent.
In 67 days leftovers will be served as sandwiches, children will be playing with their new toys and parents will be wishing for break to be over already.
In 67 days children will be sugar high and fancy free, desperately trying to finish school projects before school starts again.
In 67 days guests will be packing, saying their sweet goodbyes, or already on their way back home.

We only have 67 days left to plan, save for and purchase that perfect gift for the one we love.
We only have eight weeks before the hustle and bustle of holiday cheer is gone again for another year.
We only have two short months to go before we can let out that happy sigh of a holiday well spent.

Lavish every moment, savor each joy, remember those you've lost, call loved ones who could not visit, and capture all the smiles, tears, thank you's and laughs on film. The holidays are coming and before we know it, they will all to quickly be gone.


Lots of Love,