I have decided that I don't really belong anywhere. I don't miss home (as stated in the previous blog, I really only miss my mother and my children, but not the place itself). I like it here but given that I've only been here for 2 weeks and have yet to actually find a job I haven't really had a chance to meet and make friends (unless you count our crazy neighbor who admit-ably drinks herself into a stupor every day and then uses her bi-polar condition as an excuse to scream at her boyfriend for hours on end - though to be fair she's been perfectly sweet to me so far! She even gave me a gift of two green pepper plants for my garden, I gave her homemade cookies as a "thank you")
Jason's grandmother and I get along pretty well but she lives about 40 minutes from us so visits are few and far between. She strikes me as the type to be there for me just as she is for Jason. I love that about her. It makes me feel.... safe? loved? comfortable? Not quite sure what word I'm looking for there. But it's nice that when I can't have my own mother close by I have not one but TWO secondary "mom's" nearby. The other one would be Jason's mom and while I haven't had the pleasure of getting to know her personally as much as I've gotten to know Jason's grandmother, I like everything I've heard and observed of her so far.
Actually, Jason's mom reminds me
a lot of my own mom. My mom used to work as a social worker at the ER at CMC main (the number one hospital in Charlotte, NC) and Jason's mom is a nurse. Both his mother and mine are strong willed women who have had to raise their kids pretty much on their own thanks to deadbeat dad's. They've both overcome difficulty upon difficulty and neither have come out bitter from life's challenges. I've heard Jason's end of conversations with his mom and (based off his responses to her) I've come to the conclusion that she's giving him the same advice my mother gives me.
When I was sick earlier in the week Jason's whole family called to check up on me. Some left me facebook messages (though I was passed out from the pain killers and missed most of them) others called Jason often to make sure I was alright, some did both. Jason's brother drove me where ever I needed to go and kept a close eye on me while Jason was working.
Nothing makes a girl feel loved more than being taken in under someone else's wing. I've never had this before. Most the guys I've dated had mother's who hated me. OK well "hate" is a strong word, I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and say their mothers (and most of the rest of their families) just plain couldn't stand me.
Maybe I've grown up a lot since then.... maybe I've finally picked the right guy.... whatever it is, I'm grateful for the calls, the love, the open armed welcomes, that I've received so far from his family.
Hmmm, I seem to have gone way off topic. My point was that even though I technically don't belong anywhere (other than the kitchen of the 1920's wife) I'm finally OK with that. I am who I am and I don't want to change that. Granted there are always things I can work on or improve, I'm alright with who I am today. I like me.
Friends will come around eventually, but I've decided that it doesn't really matter
where I live, I'll never fully belong. I'm unique. I'm silly, sassy, sensitive, and a little too trusting for this day and age. I'm honest, even when it brings me to the point of tears, open and giving. I get mad but I know how to control my temper. I frown at those who give up on life and are content with never trying to be better people. I think the main reason (other than the lack of social interaction) that I have in finding friends is because I'm not looking for a group of people to just go to the local bar with, I'm looking for people to share my life with. And those kinds of friends are hard to find and harder to keep.
Oh don't get me wrong, there are a million of you (OK a few hundred) on Facebook and here and other social networks, but in real life.... those kinds of friends seem to be few and far between.
Maybe this is why I love blogging so much. I can pour out my heart and receive your doting love and attention via comments. I risk very little because if you hate me, well who cares, we don't know each other that well anyway! Lol.
This might also be why I love baking and cooking so much. Everyone may or may not love me, but they all seem to love my food!!
Lots of Love,
2 comments:
Its hard moving to a new place. when we moved I cried for the first 2 months!! I missed my family. And then when we moved back 5 years later I cried because I miss my friends.!!! I couldn't win!! I found it hard at first - especially the friend thing but as you said - in time friends will come and they did. Hope you are settling well.
Angela
Be careful with the crazy neighbor. When we moved in to this house we were warned that our next door neighbor was crazy. For the first year we were nice to each other but I still saw the craziness in her. Things took a turn for the worse recently and we don't even look at each other. She is totally nuts. I hope you are settling in there.
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